David Icke: Geez a job!

I just intercepted (hacked) an email from a headhunter to David Icke. You see, I’ve become an “ethical hacker” since I applied for the job:

Dear David,

I am acting as headhunter on behalf of a medical charity who are searching for specialists in the area of solicitation. Your name has come up on a database of very successful opportunists in this area who seem capable of soliciting vast sums of money from people at  the drop of a hat. Generally, we find it is prostitutes of one form or another, politicians and media people – such as actors and actresses – who particularly excel in this field and, it is with your recent fundraising extravaganza being brought to our attention, we decided to contact you for this wonderful, international role which may give you the opportunity of adding a few more countries to that list of yours which you say you’ve visited.

What we need from you, however, is a copy of your passport – as is the law in the UK today – to prove you are a British citizen. Granted you live on the isle of wight but, as I’m sure you’re aware, there have been a number of individuals on that island which are already known to the authorities and it is also a “soft landing” for illegal immigrants of one type or the other. Additionally, that business partner of yours has a strange name – Tabata what? I’m sure you understand we cannot be too careful in this age of terrorism David.

If you take a look at this position, you may appreciate that there are parallels with what you have done with TPV. Our client is TPP and also “not for profit” – well in a way, a sense or, at least that’s what we promote – you know the score on that David don’t you?

You’d be managing philanthropy donors David! These are high net worth individuals! We’re not talking about people with just a pot to piss in here David! You never know, you may even, as a side note, get them to invest in your TV network (but don’t tell us about it because we don’t appreciate “moonlighters” – you’d be working for us and if you got more donations for TPV than TPP we’d be seriously pissed as I’m sure you’ll understand?

As you can see, we call them “gifts”- yes, people really do just give away gifts of 6 and 7 figures (that’s £million to £tens of millions to you and me). David, imagine tapping into these people? One donation could run TPV for a year or more. Now WHY do you think that a philanthropist (aka: good guy who cares for the world) wouldn’t wish to donate to someone who is seriously trying to help the world and change it for the better? The only possible reason could be that he doesn’t wish to have the world changed for the better so what kind of real philanthropist is he/she? So then, if he/she doesn’t give their money to good causes which are REALLY good causes, then what are they donating to and what do they really expect from it? Nothing? No, don’t be so naive. They expect a return.

So David, what we would like you to do in the job is develop long term relationships with philanthropic individuals (David Rockefeller?), Foundations (Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation?) and Corporations (Nestle, Coca Cola, Halliburton, Carlyle Group?) – you know them all David. We’ve read your books!

Skills and experience:

We like good actors David. We like emotional blackmailers who can tap into their target’s deepest fears, wants and needs. You’re PERFECT for that!

Ok you don’t have experience of solicitation at a 6 and 7 figure level so you’re a bit of an amateur in that department but we see your potential David. The arthritis helps too!

Are you committed to going above and beyond the remit of the role to achieve and exceed targets? What’s “above and beyond the remit”? Well, think about casting couches David. You know? Be ready to bend over, give oral, sleep with the CEO’s missus, that sort of thing. Do whatever it takes. You’re a “do whatever it takes man” aren’t you? After all, you signed up with OFCOM to get TPV launched so you did whatever it takes there didn’t you? You sold your soul down the river with that one! If Jimmy Saville had wanted a piece of ass, you would have bent over wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you have? I’m pretty sure you would if he had offered the top “Grandstand” position at the BBC. I don’t know for sure though it’s just a hunch you know?

Intellectual curiosity to understand complex areas of research… etc. Now you’ve got that in spades haven’t you David? The curiosity that is, not the capability.

And the remuneration for this role would be between £45 and 50K David! You make us £millions and we pay you £50K. Sounds a good deal right? After all, it’s like you paying your volunteers sod all and yet you’re building (or trying to) a tv network which would end up with a share value of £millions. At least we’re paying you David. Peanuts, I admit but peanuts are better than a kick in the nuts aren’t they?

Ethical hacking eh? What’s next?

I guess Gary McKinnon was classed unethical.

Law = SHITE

 

Addendum:

It just occurred to me (don’t know why) but it could even turn out that you, David, got “bummed” by Jimmy Saville in his dressing room and that has still yet to come out.

 

But then, it seems the Icke family have a thing for sticking objects up their ass. Gareth, case in point: There’s an old adage – “Like father like son” so perhaps it isn’t all far from the truth?

But it may even come out that the straws were code for Jack Straw but since Jack’s still alive well, you know how it is!

 

Amazing what media whores will do for 15 minutes of fame eh? Plaster their arse all over the web showing another guy helping them to stick bundles of straws up their anus.

Now that you’ve covered Saturn David, what’s next? The rings around Uranus?