Earthlinggb's Blog

What not to say on a dating site!

Posted in "Terrorism" by earthling on August 7, 2014

To be honest, I can’t stand the vacant superficiality of dating sites but, because I don’t frequent pubs and clubs (just as vacant and superficial in my view), I thought I’d give Zoosk a whirl since it kept popping up on Facebook and had photos of very attractive women. I like attractive women don’t you?

So let me first state I didn’t start off like this – or at least not quite so bad. 😉 But, after a while (approximately a week), I came to realise just how bloody vacant it really is. It’s a cattle market so I cancelled my subscription but it takes a few weeks for it to then be actioned. So I thought I’d have a laugh and just write things I knew would get up the largely vacant, superficial airheads’ noses. I changed it a few times because I quickly get bored with my own “wit” (probably as they do too). But this is an example of what not to say on a dating website. In other words, don’t say it how you see it. Whatever the hell you do, don’t be honest and blunt and don’t display your anject derision of the masses of profiles you see before you. People will think you’re misogynist! 🙂 But trust me I’m not. I feel the same derision toward the vast majority of men it’s just I don’t check out the males coz I’m not gay! I guess because I’m not gay that makes me homophobic too!

Holy shit, I should be locked up!

So here’s the profile:

Prof 1

Prof 2


Now, when it comes to chat up lines, the following couple of examples will give you the general idea. DO NOT USE THESE AT HOME!

1. No jokes about their chosen name:

KY Jelly


2. If you encounter a beautiful looking muslim woman, this is NOT the best chat up line to use:


Muslim chat up line


Even though, personally, I’d consider that one hell of a compliment in your mid forties! 🙂


Lastly, this was my favourite contact I received:


Prof 3



4 Responses

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  1. jon said, on August 8, 2014 at 1:54 am

    hey earth

    didnt exactly sell your sell there did you lol havnt stopped laughing about the sainsburys bit yet just had to add this seeing as you added scottish to your profile I am still a Govanite allways will be dont know where you are from in the holy land lol check this out see if you remember any of it

    1 more thing earth we all love ya keep going you are well travelled and versed some of us still need teaching like me hated school so missed all the important education when dogging off couldnt be arsed deep down allways knew there was something wrong with it but couldn t explain it parents tried to with im gona slap you roon the fuckin heed and did many a time and the classic wait till your da gets home lol school board been again back to school then go back for interview suspened for 3 days for not being there WTF this is great i take days off they give me days off you know what happens next it just gets longer and longer till judge decides i dont need no more schooling near tollcross still remember building and room to this day and you know what they say about them wooden walls is it no lies seep out ?

    much respect allways

    • earthlinggb said, on August 8, 2014 at 5:27 pm

      I’m from Edinburgh Jon. The only thing I know about Govan is what Billy Connolly has talked about! 🙂
      Yeah I’ve always sensed something since a kid but had no idea what it was. You know how kids just seem to think everything is “unfair”? Well now I realise they have a point!
      Anyhow, this post I couldn’t resist. Glad you got something out of it. I’ve been having a hoot because these women take it so seriously. They probably read my profile and think I’m some sort of weird, misogynist, grumpy old sod (reminds me of what Poulton said about me! :-)). But it’s amazing what people will just throw at you when you throw shit at them (TPV) and then THEY start throwing the same shit at TPV isn’t it? Hilarious.
      I’ve done all the serious blogs mate. I may indeed do more but, for now, I’m having a laugh coz there’s bugger all else to do with this life! I wanted to change the world and then realised people (in the majority) really just don’t care. So f*** em! 🙂
      Have fun!

  2. Dekomag said, on August 28, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    I used to use Plenty-of-Fish dating site, which is free. When I registered, I thought it would appropiate to come up with a funny moniker as to show sense of humour and cause a good first impression. However, I got it wrong; not many women found amusing my moniker GaryGlitter4you.

    Also, I was wrong when I decided to be blunty honest in my profile description. Being a man careful with money and not willing to spend a lot of money before the lady as overnight with me for first time; when asked WHERE WOULD YOU GO ON THE FIRST DATE?, I honestly stated: ” I would take the lady for a burger with fried onions or fish&chips at the stand in the car park of my local B&Q, where the portions are big and fairly priced”.

    This didn’t go down well with most women, they all want a first date on an expensive restaurant.

    I would like to recommend you or
    Slavic women – although laconic- are much more straightforward than the British ones. I have been quite succesful in those both dating sites and if I could afford more travel to Belarus, Baltic Countries, Russia and Ukraine, I would shagg even more of them.

    • earthlinggb said, on August 28, 2014 at 9:10 pm

      I was reading that quite seriously and sniggering along the way until I burst at the seams at the last sentence! Oh god! Thanks for that. 🙂

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