Earthlinggb's Blog

Angelina Jolie: I donated my tits to “Christies” Auction House

Posted in Gross stupidity within society by earthlinggb on May 16, 2013

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May 16th 2013 – 18.32GMT

Angelina Jolie, having decided to have her perfectly functional tits removed (the actions of a slightly deranged woman of unsound mind) may have had an ulterior motive behind the decision. According to anonymous sources close to the actress and UN Special Envoy, Ms Jolie has donated her tits to Christies, the London auction house who have preserved the items in the sperm of a rhinoceros  which, according to an undisclosed chemical biologist, may have just the correct consistency and ingredients to both, maintain the perfect specimens for future use by the purchaser plus ensure that the non existent disease in the tissue of Ms Jolie’s tits, would never materialise.

Jolie

Ms Jolie is said to be furious with her tit removal prankologist that he did not advise her, prior to the operation, that rhino sperm had the capacity to remove the possibility of disease. Her prankologist has replied that, while it is not 100% certain that the sperm would have this effect, if it does, it would be common to all sperm and not simply rhinoceros’. Indeed, the prankologist has suggested that, if this were to be correct, then human sperm, if ejaculated onto female breasts on a regular basis, would eradicate any possibility of the specific disease Ms Jolie was concerned about. He further stated that, if this were proven, it is highly likely that sperm would have such desirable effects upon all tissues of the homo sapien female. When asked whether it would have the same effect for males, he suggested it was unlikely due to the “magnetic” functionality of the chromosomes thereby repelling the effects on male tissue.

Meanwhile, there has already been intense interest by potential buyers of Ms Jolie’s tits. Among those rumoured to have an interest are:

Brad Pitt: He is suggested to have said to close acquaintances, for which Reuters cannot confirm sources, that he misses them badly considering that the new prosthetic versions have tiny nipples (due to Angelina’s wish to go braless without causing too much of an uproar). Mr Pitt has been reported to say that “Angelina had nipples like ripe strawberries whereas, now, they’re the size of coriander seeds.”

Hilary Clinton: It would appear from other unconfirmed and anonymous sources, that Mrs Clinton still suffers from continuous nightmares of Bill describing to her what it was that attracted him to Monica Lewinsky. It seems that Bill’s sperm had fallen on a very similar set of mammaries as that of Angelina’s. Mrs Clinton’s interest, then is not so much in owning the boobs but having them sit on her desk at home while she asks Bill to rub his penis between them. It seems she has invested in a few grams of thermite explosive which, having been applied to the tits, the rubbing of Bill’s prick between them shall cause enough friction of the tits and Bill’s penis to explode. It seems it is some form of satanic ritual she will carry out on 9/11 of this year where the two tits will represent the twin towers and Bill’s “cigar” representing flight 175.

Beyonce: Jay Zee has watched the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie “Total Recall” so many times that he has requested that Beyonce recreate the woman of his dreams. Beyonce is only missing one tit. Why no-one recognises that that extra tit is her boyfriend is beyond me!

3 tits

We intend to keep you abreast of developments!

Moral: If you just accept that Angelina Jolie has had her tits surgically removed when there is absolutely no disease in them (so “just in case”) because SHE says so and it is supported by her Doctor who “says so” and the media who “says so” then, once more, it proves you will accept anything that you are “fed”. While, indeed, if she has taken this decision and has had them removed, the woman is in need of serious serious therapy! So much so that this woman and her husband should be given a mental health assessment for the purposes of allowing them to adopt children.

Addendum:

I just KNEW there’d be a story and ulterior motive behind this!

It’s ALL about Corporate Profit!

 

Someone PROVE to me this woman had her breasts removed! PROVE IT!

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One Response

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  1. revtest Booster said, on October 18, 2013 at 3:24 am

    Hi there, its fastidious paragraph about media print, wee all be familoar with media is a fantastic source of data.


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